I have been a participant of CORR for over ten years. My first experience was attending a Community Support Group. The Community group is a mixture of those who have caused sexual harm, their families, friends, and neighbors.
So why would an incest survivor want to participate in such a gathering? It’s helped me discover that many of those who have caused sexual harm were, themselves, traumatized as children. Since my father is no longer alive, I can’t ask him about the things that shaped him, his childhood, but I ‘m learning directly from those who caused harm was that the majority of them are accountable and remorseful. I’ve learned that in their incarceration, treatment, and rehabilitation,, they accessed empathy for those they’d hurt and they’d found their way to apologizing and a longing to make amends. In hearing and understanding their stories, I wished for a dialogue with my father. Instead, Ihave imagined what he might say based on their stories. I am grateful for the imagined dialogue with my father and for the dialogue I continue to have at the Community Support Group meetings.
I have also participated in the Family Support Group. Most participants are partners, adult children, parents, and other family members of those who had caused sexual harm. You might ask, why would there be a support group for this population? Just as the topic of sexual abuse is taboo in society, it can be taboo among family members of the victims as well. Even some of my own family shunned me as I sought to understand my father. But my understanding has helped me to care and to heal mypain. I can now say my father was human. As I watch the men at CORR make themselves better, I see their family relationships improve. It helps too that this group is facilitated by two very committedand caring clinicians.
I have also attended the Survivors Support Group. This group meets twice a month and is also facilitated by a clinician that helps members feel safe. I recommend this group for those who would like some extra support.
All of the groups I have attended have felt like safe places to be heard and to listen.
Circling back to my own healing beginnings, I’m moved by the distance between then and now. The following poem is something I wrote when I was embarking on my first treatment group.
WHY AM I HERE?
It is time …
I have reached a place where the pain of living is greater than the pain of dying.
I do not want to live like this.
I do not want to die like this.
Why am I here?
I want to find peace, rest and contentment.
I don’t want to run, hide or protect anymore.
It is time …
It is time to heal;
I know that only I can do that for me.
I need to let things go
And I can do that through sharing.
I will tell you of my journey,
You may take those thoughts and ideas
that may be able to help you along your way.
All I ask is that you listen and then let it go.
Do not take my burden upon yourself
And please, oh please, do not try to fix me.
And with your permission
I will listen to your story.
And perhaps from your life experiences
I will find something that can be of help to me.
I will not judge you nor try to change you.
You are safe with me …
As I hope I can be with you.
I wish you all the best on your journey.
Your friend,
Diana